Real Evangelicals of Genius #3: Rhetorical Question Answerer

For other posts in this series, click the label at the bottom of this post.

Today we salute you, Mr. Rhetorical Question Answerer. You know better than to sit quietly during a sermon. No, you narrate the subtleties for all those within four rows of you. After all, why do people ask questions if they're not meant to be answered? They don't, and you won't let them. Inner monologue? Who needs that? Not you. Even if there is no question asked, you've always got a "That's right!" or "Amen!" or "Tell 'em, now!" in your back pocket, ready to be said in a voice audible only to the guy next to you ... or shouted in a distracting manner. So here's to you, Mr. Unsolicited Sermon Feedback Person, 'cause no one states the obvious in a somewhat annoying manner quite like you.

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OK, quick disclaimer. I don't have a real problem with this, nor do I think there is an underlying issue that is dangerous or destructive. I just think it's kind of funny. In fact, I love Rhetorical Question Answerer because they can make any sermon entertaining, no matter how boring or ridiculous the speaker is. This is the guy/girl that is really into the sermon, and loves providing feedback, even if it's not audible to anyone but the people around them. It's not really insightful, or necessary, but it apparently helps them, so hey ... go for it. I'm just not much of a responsive person, so I find it fascinating.

While Rhetorical Question Answerer usually just makes me smile or occasionally feel a little uncomfortable (something about social norms being ignored just makes me cringe sometimes), the real gold is when a rhetorical question is answered incorrectly. You know what I'm talking about. RQA isn't paying a ton of attention, mishears or misunderstands the question, and murmurs a "no" when the speaker is obviously hinting at a "yes" (or vice versa). They quickly realize their mistake, get embarrassed because everyone heard them say the wrong thing, and good times are had by all.

But occassionally, if you're lucky, you'll see a rhetorical train wreck. This is when God has shown favor on your congregation, because nothing beats the awkwardness and hilarity of this moment. A quick story to illustrate my point:

I spent a year in Texas after graduating college to go through an intensive discipleship program, covering Old Testament and New Testament Bible study, systematic theology, church history, apologetics, hermeneutics, homiletics, etc. One day, our church history teacher, John Brown (one of the smartest guys I've ever heard), is lecturing on some of the early church Christological controversies. He was trying to illustrate the difficulty for the church fathers to understand a man who was both 100% man and 100% God. Admittedly, it's hard to get your mind around, even when studying the texts of the New Testament. So he asks a rhetorical question to get across the gravity of the situation. "So what do you do with the incarnate, pre-existent Son of God come to Earth?" Most of us understood his question. One of us, apparently, did not. This anonymous person (let's call him "Wes Ffolkes") answers loud enough for everyone to hear, "You kill him."

I cannot overstate how awkward this was. Everyone turned with mouth agape, shocked at the near blasphemy just uttered. John Brown stammered, "What???", then burst into maniacal laughter, as did the rest of us. "Wes" was trying to imply that the Pharisees and religious leaders, when confronted with Jesus, responded by killing him. Which is true, of course, but not ANYWHERE CLOSE to what was being discussed. RQA strikes again. (I should note that "Wes" is a great guy, was liked by all, and this was not the norm for him. But he will never live this one down.)

So, the moral of the story is: if you answer a question, just be sure it's the right one. Or people will blog about you three years later. If you have a funny RQA story, please share in the comments, it could be great fun for all.

The "born again" fad?

I came across this entry in Dr. Mohler's blog the other day, and found it to be very interesting. It seems being "reborn" is the cool thing to do in Thailand. Give it a read.

Real Evangelicals of Genius #2: Super Cool Youth Pastor Guy

For other posts in this series, click the label at the bottom of this post.

Note: I don't know if this guy is a youth pastor or not, as all the images I could find were real people, and I'd kind of feel like a jerk if I put someone's staff bio picture on my blog to make fun of them. Instead, this is a picture that made me laugh, from www.larknews.com, a very funny site you should check out sometime. I'd like to think he's a youth pastor, though.

Today we salute you, Mr. Super Cool Youth Pastor Guy. You know what it takes to reach the youth of America: a fo-hawk, some tight jeans, and a cool tat of some Greek word. You know better than to bring any of those lame "senior pastor" jokes into your sermons. No, your sermons are decked out with references to "The Hills," as you sip your triple venti latte and show YouTube clips to "illustrate spiritual truths," or to watch a skater fall on his man parts. The youth are the future of America, and they're not going to come to church if it's lame! Your totally rad (is that word still cool?) youth ministry is here to eradicate lameness, complete with haze machine and electric guitar worship solos. So here's to you, Mr. Guitar-Hero-Master-For-Jesus, because no one can relate to the immaturity of an adolescent quite like you.
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Perhaps I'm being harsh with Super Cool Youth Pastor Guy. I'm not trying to be, it's just that I find it funny sometimes how much like a high school kid a high school pastor can act. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, but I wonder what kind of implications lay behind the actions of many youth ministries around the country.

Let me first start out by saying how much I respect youth pastors. They're vitally necessary in most church models, and what they do can have an enormous positive impact. They're also frequently pressured to get as many kids in their youth ministry as possible, so even well intentioned youth pastors can be somewhat forced to tweak their presentation (and even content, at times) for the sake of being "relevant." So I understand where they're coming from. Plus, I know several guys that do it right. But that's not who this is about.

That said, I think "relevance" has become something of an idol in many churches today. We have to make church relevant to unbelievers so they'll come and hear our message. Without going too deep into why I see this as a potential problem, you can see that at some point this can have a spiral effect, until even the content of the gospel is altered in some (extreme) cases. Most of the time, though, our strive for relevance just sends subtle messages.

It seems that by catering to the pattern and the culture that the world sets, we set the church in competition to the world by trying to provide all it offers in addition to the spiritual side of things. Christianity then becomes somewhat of a "good deal." Perhaps you will see why I think this is incorrect. Following Christ is nothing short of a total renunciation of the world and its ways. It doesn't mean that we have to live like Quakers or something, but it does mean that the church is not the place for entertainment -- it is the place for the edification of the body and the teaching and preaching of the Word of God. It doesn't have to be boring. But if we're concerned that the only way our church members will sit through a service is if it has enough bells and whistles, then perhaps we have a larger problem than relevance. Perhaps the problem lies in the health of our congregation.

You can see how this larger issue relates to Super Cool Youth Pastor Guy, but specifically my question for him is this: does a high school kid need a peer he can relate to a model he can look up to in his youth pastor? No, they're not necessarily mutually exclusive, but I can't help but wonder if we're out of balance here.

Quasi-Hurricane 2008

Well, it's been an interesting couple of days around here. I, like about half of Louisville, lost power for a couple of days, but things seem to be getting back to normal, so I might actually get around to regular posting. Our house regained power in the middle of the night last night, so perhaps something resembling normalcy will return to my neck of the woods.

These past few days, though, I've been thinking about the curious predicament Louisville has been in since Sunday. To recap the bald facts, a hurricane went north of us to Indianapolis, but happened to cause some high winds in the area. Then 300,000 people lost power.

Huh?

Does that seem odd to anyone? The wind blew real hard for a couple of hours and now our entire city is crippled. Seems kind of ridiculous, doesn't it? There was no tornado, no lightning, not even any rain to speak of. We had gusts up to 75 miles an hour and society as we know it is upside down. I went out to lunch yesterday (my work still happened to have power ... yay), and it felt like Armaggedon. I tried to get gas because apparently everyone in the city has decided to flood gas stations and empty them out, only to find that the Thornton's I went to was out of power. Instead I decided to try McDonald's for a quick meal. No power. Subway next door? Nope. Interestingly enough, both had lights on and a neon sign that said "Open", yet they weren't open. Whatever.

Finally I find a Quizno's that has power, only to find about 30 people crammed in the lobby as 3 sandwich makers struggled to keep up with the demand, doubtless pondering just how much they hated their job that day. Long story short, I went about 3 miles to a gas station and a couple of restaurants and got back to my desk 45 minutes later. Any other day, that trip takes about 10-12 minutes. On my way home I see people lined up three deep at gas stations to try and fill up (I eventually found a place to fill up myself), while other shopping centers look like ghost towns, completely devoid of power.

And it never even rained ...

This seems a helpful reminder of just how frail we are as a people, and how silly all our bravado and chest pumping seems at times. A little gust of wind can cripple life as you know it, and send you rushing to a gas station to pay $4.15 a gallon when you scoffed at that price two days ago and would have driven another 5 miles to find a cheaper price.

Kind of makes you feel small, doesn't it?

America has talent???

I made a big mistake last night. I was sitting around, flipping through the channels (a luxury I can rarely afford), and I landed on "America's Got Talent." Wow. I've watched the show before, in pieces, but this was one of the final rounds, and I was somewhat depressed as a result. A few quick observations about my experience:

• For a show involving the words "America" and "talent," I saw very little of either last night. Two of the judges are British, and the only country that still seems to like Hasselhoff is Germany. As for the talent ... well, it was there ... sometimes ... in a way.
• I'm not sure who ever decided to make Hasselhoff a judge of talent, but one quick look at his previous work should cast a little doubt on his qualifications.
• I think this audience would give a standing ovation for a crippled dog in a Christmas sweater chasing its own tail. Seriously, every time an act begins, it's like the Beatles are performing in 1965 or something. If they are that impressed by everyone that performs, I weep for my country.
• I cringe every time Hasselhoff speaks. It feels like I'm watching the Office when Michael Scott tries to run a meeting or interact with another human being. I want to curl up in a ball and pretend he's not there.
• One of the top 20 acts is a 4 year-old girl singing "Beauty and the Beast." Seriously? Sure, she's adorable, but in the top 20? SHE'S A 4 YEAR-OLD GIRL! She can't even pronounce some of the words in the song. If the show was called, "America Is Cute and Innocent," then give her the prize, but can anyone say with a straight face she is one of the 20 most talented acts in the country? Piers Morgan, one of the judges, tells her she's adorable, but this might be as far as she goes, and the entire audience boos him. In a previous episode, he also told a man who dressed up like Britney Spears (complete with "pectoral enhancements") and did a painful lip sync to "Hit Me Baby One More Time" that he just didn't think grown men should dress up like teenage girls. The crowd booed him there, too. My weeping continues.
• Quick note from Wikipedia -- apparently David Hasselhoff is also known as: The Hoffenator, The Hoffenhessen, and my personal favorite, The Hoffetron. My comparison to Michael Scott is now fully justified.
• Jerry Springer and Sharon Osbourne are two of the most normal people on the show. Think about that for a minute.
• The point of the show is to find an act that can have a show in Vegas. I wonder if everyone voting realizes this. I've seen one or two acts that I would pay any money at all to see, much less whatever exorbitant amount a ticket will run in Vegas. But a 4 year-old singing Disney covers? A 12 year-old girl (who sounds like she's from Pike County, KY) fake beating up her dad and a bunch of other guys with mildly impressive karate moves? A group of 20 middle-aged fathers in tuxedos doing a tap dance routine? A chubby kid twirling a flaming baton? Sure, they're all talented (some moreso than others), but would I actually pay to watch them do it for an hour or two? Ummmm, not so much.

Update on my hypocrisy

Quick post today. I've been thinking a lot about my last post, and the whole Christian parody thing, and how my whole series kind of violates my own ideals. Last time I pledged to think of a new title, but I fast started to realize that the whole concept on these posts is satirical and based on the model from the ads I'm mimicking. So all that to say, I'm going to keep the original title and style, even though it is clearly a parody much like those I made fun of.

Why? A few reasons. One, it's funny. It's a great concept that those ad gurus have set forth. Plus, they always say imitation is the highest form of flattery. Two, the reasons Christian knock-off t-shirts seem ridiculous to me is not just that they copy a recognized logo or slogan. It's that they do it ALL the time, and they're usually not very funny, or even clever. It's primarily a taste thing for me, and while some people might enjoy it and like them, I just think it's kind of cheesy. I'd like to think that what I'm doing with these posts both serves a real purpose and is larger than just the shell of a radio commercial. And finally, parody can be a great form of humor, if done well and in moderation. I'd like to think I am doing it well (though you may disagree), and it's not like all of my posts are knock-offs of some kind.

In summary, I guess it's kind of like the difference between liking Weird Al Yankovic and buying his CDs. I've always heard some of Weird Al's songs and thought some of them were pretty funny. So one day I bought one of his CDs ... not so funny. He's a great distraction and sideshow, but no one could ever really take him seriously as a real artist. It's just not the nature of his game. So in closing, I guess the less I resemble Weird Al, the better.

Actually, that's true on a great many levels, in all facets of my life. Words to live by ...

Real Evangelicals of Genius #1: Christian T-Shirt Designer

For the introduction to this series of posts, click here.

Today we salute you, Mr. Christian T-Shirt Designer. Your job knows no limits of normal work weeks, scarce production, or artistic originality. No, as soon as you see a commercial on TV or growing social trend, you think to yourself, "Hey, I can rip that off ..." and off to work you go. Unlike those pagan t-shirt designers, you have a lot of responsibilities: Bible reading, sin abstaining, church attending, intercessory praying, et al. You don't have time to think up original designs or slogans, so you wisely manage your time by scorning copyrights and trademarks, all in the name of spreading the gospel. You will gladly endure the persecution for the hope that someone might finally realize that "Jesus died for MySpace in heaven." Besides, you have scriptural support! So here's to you, Mr. One-Letter-Away-From-Spiritual-Significance, because no one turns "Subway" into "HisWay" quite like you.
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Now, I should note, many of these REOG are things that I have some real qualms with. They usually belie a larger issue more than what lies on the surface. This is one that I don't really have a major problem with. I still think it's kind of ridiculous, but it's more a reflection of personal taste than anything. But regardless, I must still point out that I don't have a problem with Christian t-shirts, nor do I deny that they can be used for good. And not all Christian t-shirts are lame, or rip-offs; but let's be honest: most of them are either one or the other, or both.

My biggest issue with the Christian t-shirt designer is that it says to the world that we as Christians have little to no originality. Seriously, go to a Christian book store and look around at t-shirts and other paraphernalia. I guarantee 75% or more of them are some recognizable slogan or logo used by a secular company twisted into some spiritual truth or phrase. Why? I just don't get it. Sure, it's kind of clever (sometimes), but why does EVERY t-shirt have to be a rip-off of some kind? I understand the value and humor that exists in parody, but it just seems like there's a LOT of parody out there. Is it that hard to think of something original? Perhaps it is. As I'm typing this, I'm remembering that I'm taking the name of this series from a popular Budweiser ad on TV and radio. So I guess even I'm not free from my own accusation.

I really think that Christians need to value originality and creativity more, for many reasons. God certainly is the author and originator of creativity, and man made in his image should embrace that. Christian music shouldn't be as bad as it is (on the whole), and our t-shirts should not reek of lameness. There are times it almost seems like just laziness to me. Surely I realize that is an unfair statement, but I see it in my own heart at times, and I have to wonder how much it contributes to the problem (if it can indeed be classified as a problem) as a whole. There is the whole side issue in this of why Christians generally are just kind of weird (and feel that they should be), but that's a whole other thought for another time.

So for now, I will pledge to you that I will think of another title for this series to show I'm not a blatant hypocrite, even if it's not as funny. I'm surely not as smart or witty as the ad gurus at Budweiser, but I will at least have something of my own. For now, consider this the start of a discussion. I'm curious to hear your thoughts.