America has talent???

I made a big mistake last night. I was sitting around, flipping through the channels (a luxury I can rarely afford), and I landed on "America's Got Talent." Wow. I've watched the show before, in pieces, but this was one of the final rounds, and I was somewhat depressed as a result. A few quick observations about my experience:

• For a show involving the words "America" and "talent," I saw very little of either last night. Two of the judges are British, and the only country that still seems to like Hasselhoff is Germany. As for the talent ... well, it was there ... sometimes ... in a way.
• I'm not sure who ever decided to make Hasselhoff a judge of talent, but one quick look at his previous work should cast a little doubt on his qualifications.
• I think this audience would give a standing ovation for a crippled dog in a Christmas sweater chasing its own tail. Seriously, every time an act begins, it's like the Beatles are performing in 1965 or something. If they are that impressed by everyone that performs, I weep for my country.
• I cringe every time Hasselhoff speaks. It feels like I'm watching the Office when Michael Scott tries to run a meeting or interact with another human being. I want to curl up in a ball and pretend he's not there.
• One of the top 20 acts is a 4 year-old girl singing "Beauty and the Beast." Seriously? Sure, she's adorable, but in the top 20? SHE'S A 4 YEAR-OLD GIRL! She can't even pronounce some of the words in the song. If the show was called, "America Is Cute and Innocent," then give her the prize, but can anyone say with a straight face she is one of the 20 most talented acts in the country? Piers Morgan, one of the judges, tells her she's adorable, but this might be as far as she goes, and the entire audience boos him. In a previous episode, he also told a man who dressed up like Britney Spears (complete with "pectoral enhancements") and did a painful lip sync to "Hit Me Baby One More Time" that he just didn't think grown men should dress up like teenage girls. The crowd booed him there, too. My weeping continues.
• Quick note from Wikipedia -- apparently David Hasselhoff is also known as: The Hoffenator, The Hoffenhessen, and my personal favorite, The Hoffetron. My comparison to Michael Scott is now fully justified.
• Jerry Springer and Sharon Osbourne are two of the most normal people on the show. Think about that for a minute.
• The point of the show is to find an act that can have a show in Vegas. I wonder if everyone voting realizes this. I've seen one or two acts that I would pay any money at all to see, much less whatever exorbitant amount a ticket will run in Vegas. But a 4 year-old singing Disney covers? A 12 year-old girl (who sounds like she's from Pike County, KY) fake beating up her dad and a bunch of other guys with mildly impressive karate moves? A group of 20 middle-aged fathers in tuxedos doing a tap dance routine? A chubby kid twirling a flaming baton? Sure, they're all talented (some moreso than others), but would I actually pay to watch them do it for an hour or two? Ummmm, not so much.